To put it bluntly, nobody likes the pitiful, poor, insecure chick. If that is where your fear has taken you, then snap out of it! You are only doing your relationship more harm. A harsh statement? True but sometimes a harsh reality requires clear and abrupt recognition in order to begin dealing with the situation at hand. So, strap on your she warrior boots and let's get to the bottom of this. The generality of this topic is daunting due the fact that the number of reasons why he might be thinking of leaving are innumerable and exceedingly individual. However, in doing a little research, this writer came across some very interesting information.
According to an article written by Timothy S. Allen entitled “The Number One Reason Men Leave Women”, the winner is “because he doesn't feel respected and admired.” Allen goes on to state that in a man's mind “a happy woman = respect and admiration.” You have heard this before. When a guy friend comes to you about a relationship and says, “No matter what I did, I couldn't make her happy.” what he means is that his feelings of self worth are wrapped up in whether his partner is happy or not. Could this be true? Let us dissect this further. If one removes evolution from the equation and looks at the base nature of man, we find that his most deeply rooted instincts are to 1. procreate and 2. provide. Apply this information to his emotions and it all becomes clear. Though we have evolved in countless ways, the basics still apply. Simply put, if you're not happy and healthy then he feels he is not doing his job and therefore is undeserving of your respect and admiration. With this in mind, ask yourself, are YOU happy? If the answer is no, then you have your first clue and should explore the reasons why you are so unhappy. In healing yourself you will set the stage for healing your relationship. If the answer is “yes, I am happy.” then we need to do some more digging.
In another article entitled “13 warning signs you're about to get dumped” written by Lisa Daily it all boils down to behavior. She enlisted the opinions of several experts and came up with some pretty interesting conclusions. I chose the four most telling to share with you here:
Body language expert Patti Wood says to pay attention to his shoes. While in public, take notice of whether or not his shoes are pointed toward you. If he is facing you but his shoes are pointed away it is considered a sign of his waning interest.
If he used to take your calls happily but is now rushing you off the phone on a regular basis, this could be a sign that he no longer holds you in a position of importance.
This one has been used by police and attorneys for years. If you are engaged in an important conversation with him and you find him staring up and to the left when he's talking, it is a big sign that he is being dishonest. Ergo, if he says I love you and gazes up and away instead of into your eyes, girl friend, you've got trouble.
Pats on the back aren't always a good thing. According to Ms. Daily, if a person is hugging you and pats you on the back it means that they feel uncomfortable with what they're doing. The bigger the pats, the more uncomfortable they feel. As crazy as it sounds, this writer would have to agree. In looking back, I realize that I use this tactic to escape a hug.
Now more educated in the whys and hows, it is time for some self examination. Our natural instinct is to find blame anywhere but within ourselves. However, when any situation goes awry, one must take a look at their own actions and contributions to said situation in order to fix it because no one wants to burden the full load of responsibility. Nor is it appropriate for them to do so in most cases. Equally as important to remember is that no one can change another person. We can only change ourselves. So, I ask again, are YOU truly happy? If indeed you are truly happy with yourself and in your relationship, then for goodness sake, pose the question to him. If he answers no, then your next question should be “is there anything I can do to help you to be happy?” Truth be told, you can't make him happy, nor can he make you happy but you can work together to help each other be happy.
Diplomacy and communication are key. Men do not react well to emotionally inflated conversations. If a woman's goal is to affectively communicate with her man, she must respond instead of react. She must calm her fears and emotions before the talk ever begins. She must enter into it with clear understanding of HER needs and HER boundaries as well as being open to his. Another key to good communication with your man is to never say to him “Honey, we need to have a talk.” If you'll notice every time you say that to a man he gets a deer in the headlights look on his face. Men are much more likely to be frank and honest in an appropriately timed but spontaneous setting.
That being said, if after all your efforts, you find that he is leaving, please keep the following quote in mind. “Rejection is God's protection.”...unknown.
In other words if it doesn't work out it probably wasn't meant to. Love is a choice and sometimes we just choose wrong.
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