How To Break Up

Making the decision to break up with your significant other is usually a difficult one. The reasons for a break up may vary, but regardless of the "why", one of the hardest parts is finding the appropriate way to do it. One of the biggest challenges in breaking up with someone is trying to find the right words.

Each relationship's dynamic is different, and the best way to break up with someone is a combination of what approaches and words feel right. While there is never a one size fits all way to break up, there are some general guidelines you can follow when you take that painful step to separate.

The cardinal rule of breakups is to do it in person; it's bad form to do it any other way. You may feel tempted to do it over the phone or to send them an email or text message, but this isn't the best route to go. It's more sensitive to do it in person and it allows for a feeling of closure for the both of you. Without seeing you, your significant other may not fully grasp your intent or misunderstand what you are saying. Breaking up in a non-personal way doesn't really close the door, as painful or hard as it may be to do it face to face, giving this news in person is best.

When telling your partner why you want to break up, be honest. You don't need to come up with some elaborate reason or excuse for the break up, your feelings are valid reason enough. Be direct and explain why you feel the way you do; in this case, honesty is usually the best policy for the most part. If you tell them truthfully why you want to break up, it helps the process go smoother for the both of you because all the questions will likely be answered; there are no "what ifs" if you are honest. If you are dishonest, it may make a difficult situation worse.

As you break the news, be straight-forward but try to do it gently, especially if your partner isn't expecting you to end the relationship. Taking a gentle approach shows you care about their feelings and you aren't being callous or taking the break up lightly. If you are sensitive to their feelings, the relationship will end on a more positive note and it'll be likely remembered for the good times, not the bad.

Once you make the decision and are sure it's the right one, stick to it. If you feel yourself beginning to waffle, remind yourself of the reasons you wanted to break up and this will help keep you on track. Giving your soon to be ex the impression you aren't 100% sure about breaking up keeps the door slightly open and sends a mixed message. If you are wishy-washy in your words, your intent may not be accepted; this could lead to confused or bad feelings down the road.

Before you speak to your significant other about the breakup, try and plan what you are going to say. Sometimes it's tempting to take a wait and see approach and let the words flow as you begin to break up. This isn't the worst way, but it's probably a good idea to at least have a general idea of what you want to say. You aren't sure what kind of reaction you're going to get and if you are making up words on the fly, chances are the discussion will fall off track. If you already know what you plan to say, it will make the break up easier.

Letting go of a relationship is seldom an easy thing to do, but sometimes it's best for two people to break up. If your relationship is not working out for whatever reason, listen to your instincts, but also try and keep your partner's feelings in mind too. Breaking up is probably one of the most painful decisions we ever have to make, but in the long run, when relationships end, it's nicer to have any good memories stand out rather than the bad. A nasty breakup seldom leaves room for any positive feelings, try and keep it amicable and honest.