A Few Benefits of Being a Woman

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. We never ejaculate prematurely.
4. When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.
5. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look hot - guys look like complete idiots in ours.
6. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
7. We've never lusted over a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
8. Taxis stop for us.
9. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
10. We don't look like a disjointed pinocchio when dancing.
11. Free moving (you get the point).
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
13. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
14. We know The Truth about whether size matters.
15. If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're not the devil.
16. Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.
17. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
18. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
19. No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo.
20. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
21. If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected.
22. We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
23. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
24. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.
25. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
26. We always find room for more shoes.
27. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
28. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
29. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
30. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
31. We habe boobs (point made).
32. We know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
33. We know that new shoes will make us feel better when we are down.
34. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
35. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
36. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
37. We get to be pregnant.
38. We can cry and not get made fun of.
39. If we don't know anything about cars, it's okay.
40. We can be emotional and blame it on that time of the month.
41. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies.
42. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
43. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
44. We have way more hair options.
45. We can carry everything we need in a purse, if we want to.
46. We have the little black dress.
47. There is no need for us to act ridiculous to "prove" that we're real women. 
48. We can fix scratches on our cars with nail polish or a sharpie pen.
49. No matter what we drive, we look good in it.
50. We can close our eyes and flinch at a bloody war movie or a horror movie and no one will care.
51. We can borrow clothes and mix and match, from any of our girlfriends or sisters etc, instead of having to go out and buy something.
52. We can act a little childish and it seems cute.
53. We can pull over and ask for directions and get lots of help if we're lost.
54. We know how to pump our own gas.
55. If we have a flat tire we can get help without having to worry about seeming "unmanly." 
56. We can freak out over a mouse or bug without looking foolish.
57. We can have long hair without looking like a 1980's metal rocker.
58. We can wear pink without looking like a sissy.
59. Barbie is a doll, not an action figure.
60. We can call our female friends "girlfriends" and not sound like lesbians.
61. We can wear dresses, skirts and other cute things.
62. Lipgloss, lipgloss, lipgloss.
63. Makeup, makeup, makeup.
64. We can wear flower printed clothing without looking like a waiter from a cruise.
65. We're NOT men.